Soccer Star Parent Pillows

'I don't care how dirty they get on tv.'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

"There's an app that helped me finish grades 3 through 7. If you need me, I'll be in my room playing video games for the next few years."

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

Futsal

"How do you expect him to grow up to be a pro if he doesn't start young?"

'We just figured that with the kids travelling so much for soccer, it made more sense to sell our house and get an RV.'

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

Baby Footballer

'How about wearing a limo driver's cap when taking me to practice?'

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

Soccer Moms

"Dr. Behan?! Congratulations! It's a Boy!!!"

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'And this one is for getting them to every one of their practice sessions in the 2008 season.'

'And then Mindy had the nerve to call me a 'helicopter mom.' Me? In this wonderful jetpack! As if!'

'Wow! Feel that kick! I'm buying him a football for his first birthday!'

'Well, it's a boy. And I think I can explain those sudden sharp pains in your rib cage.'

"I want to be a footballer's wife."

'I think Kenny's finally accepted fatherhood - he said he was off to play football with the kids.'

Things Your Mother Would Never Let You Do Olympic Games

Dad Sox

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

'Get back to your seat, Mom. I can handle this.'

'A couple of the other dads and I were thinking of starting up a fight club. . . you in?'

Another Rugby Star is Born.

'Have you ever seen that TV ad, 'Help, I'm sitting around gossiping and can't shut up', Timmy?'

"I am standing up straight."

I hope you brought enough beer boxes for all the dads.

"So your soccer team lost...big deal! I lose things all the time!"

Thank you for not smacking