Soccer Spectator Gifts

Euros 2016

Fly Football

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

The trauma of losing.

"I AM at my usual position."

Football Chameleon

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

Raheem Sterling

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

Mohamed Salah

To attract a bigger audience, the world chess federation allow fans to distract an opponent when it's his move.

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

Ascent of man from ape to beer swilling football lout.

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

Egyptian Football

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

Watching the football.

Womens' bras come in football cup sizes.

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

"We've got the same ringtone!" (Two guys opening ring pull drinks cans).

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

Men can show their emotions!

'I take it tonight's game has been postponed.'

"Whaddaya say we head home and curl up in front of a nice warm football game?"

Football

We encourage the playing of games with other children.

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."