Snake Punster Gifts

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

Chicken soup for the sole.

'Iguana know what time it is.'

Dog Walker

Pet Cemetery.

'It's a treasure map.'

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

'Its a dogwood tree. I can tell by its bark.'

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

"Actually, There's a lot less pressure since I've gone from his best friend to his therapy dog."

"I do lover a good prawn film!"

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

'Ah look, what a lovely tortoise shell cat.'

Licker Store

'A tortoise is coming toward us' 'I newt' 'I toad you' 'Great, I'm on Walden Pun.'

'No, I'm his cousin, Sasquash.'

'I'll have a Martini, Jack. Extra dry.'

Tiny man plays big cello, huge man plays tiny violin.

'That's Princess... formerly 'Prince'.'

Leaflet

"He's a shiitake."

Mosquito 'restaurant' on a person's skin. Waiter asks 'Red or red?'

". . . But, according to your cat, you had a fur ball contract."

"Find another place to dump that crap. This stall is occupied."

"What's the big deal with posting food pics on social networks?"

'Hey, Lady. . . that looks like a laptop to me. . . youze is obviously a P2P gangster. . . get in the trunk and lets go fors a little ride.'

'I'm not the first visionary who's been accused of extreme optimism.'

Antelopes.

"Duffer, Penny, Bailey & Coco. Attorneys at Gnaw."

'The other hand.'

"The hardest part is admitting you have a problem."

In medical terms, it's known as cat's got your tongue.