Snake Punster Pillows

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

'Iguana know what time it is.'

Dog Walker

'It's a treasure map.'

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

'Its a dogwood tree. I can tell by its bark.'

"I do lover a good prawn film!"

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

"Actually, There's a lot less pressure since I've gone from his best friend to his therapy dog."

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

'Ah look, what a lovely tortoise shell cat.'

'No, I'm his cousin, Sasquash.'

'I'll have a Martini, Jack. Extra dry.'

'A tortoise is coming toward us' 'I newt' 'I toad you' 'Great, I'm on Walden Pun.'

Tiny man plays big cello, huge man plays tiny violin.

'That's Princess... formerly 'Prince'.'

"What's the big deal with posting food pics on social networks?"

Leaflet

"He's a shiitake."

". . . But, according to your cat, you had a fur ball contract."

"Find another place to dump that crap. This stall is occupied."

Mosquito 'restaurant' on a person's skin. Waiter asks 'Red or red?'

'I'm not the first visionary who's been accused of extreme optimism.'

Antelopes.

"Duffer, Penny, Bailey & Coco. Attorneys at Gnaw."

In medical terms, it's known as cat's got your tongue.

'The other hand.'

"The hardest part is admitting you have a problem."

'Relax...I heard our opponents today are huge pussies.'