Primate Punster Pillows

'The other hand.'

"The hardest part is admitting you have a problem."

'If you think you're making me jealous. Think again.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"If you're tired of stegosaur, go kill something else."

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Sweep the board.

Ideas Ahead of their Time

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

Dogs life

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

Water is discovered on the moon....

'Iguana know what time it is.'

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."