Snail Whisperer T-Shirts

"Well, I want to talk."

"I'm a monster."

"I now recognize the basement was a bad idea."

'I got a granny flat for my mum.'

'Move! Get out of my way! I'm training for the big marathon!'

'If provoked - his remarks can be scathing.'

"Your shell or mine?"

"...And would madam like the snail porridge?"

"It's good I'm on the property ladder but with hindsight I regret buying a semi detached."

"It's true escargot will add calories to the meal, but very slowly."

War Snail

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

Local Knowledge

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Bite out of fishing pier.

'You lifted your head.'

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

'Your shoe's untied.'

Boy with a whale: 'He followed me home, Dad, can I keep him?'

"My family has been fishing these waters for nearly 40 years. . ."

The Worm Charmer

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

Ice fisher.

'I know that bird feeder is guaranteed to be squirrel-proof, but I still think they are getting in there.'

"River well stocked this year."

It is essential not to overcrowd a tank as this can cause serious problems...

'Is this river good for fish?' - 'Yes, so good the refuse to leave it.'

Man fishing with large bait

He can identify a fly taken by a trout at fifty yards range.

"Say Bernie, how come this little guy's been following you around all week?"

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Reverse psychology

Fish swimming by fishermen's feet - 'This looks like a safe place.'