Snack Ritualist Pillows

With one badly timed dunk teabreak was ruined.

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Honest Vending

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Love is when you watch television together.

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

"The bagels are better in New York."

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'If it's a universal remote, how come it doesn't work on the refrigerator?'

Stupid Microwave

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

Cookie Surveillance

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

'Him' Watching the Game to Relax