Smoking Commentary Reader Gifts

"We were thinking, J.W., just off the top of our heads, of course—why not make the stuff addictive?"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

Welcome to Hell - No Smoking

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

"I'm afraid the umbrella constitutes an enclosed space and must be taken down."

"More ashtray, nurse! For God's sake, more ashtray!"

'Which dog is named 'BOGART'?'

"Love it! 'People of smoke' instead of 'Smokers.' "

'Let's play some cards, boys. Oh, and by the way, the wife said if we figure out how to light these cigars we can smoke in the bowl.'

"I only allow myself one after a meal - I'm now down to 43 meals a day!"

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

Give up Smoking!

'Well actually, the only reason I put my head out of the window is that Master smokes while driving...'

"That's why you don't smoke near the dang cannon!"

The Police - 1829

Identity Parade - Smoker.

"He said if we don't let him in, he'll huff and he'll puff and he'll fill up our whole house with cigar smoke."

Fish "Hey Kid, got a light?"

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

No Goldfishing. A-hem!

"We think he picked it up at the kennel."

Prehistoric Cigarette Lighter

Tim's hopes for his safer smoking device were to be dashed when it failed to fit through the door...

Cigarettes $7.50 - Ask About Our Easy Payment Plan.

'I used to be a pack animal. Lately, I've become a two pack animal.'

"Disrobe and we'll check my reflexes, I mean, your reflexes

'The ones who smoke, masturbate... the ones who don't smoke, masturbate... is this a study on smoking or masturbation?'

If they ban smoking in cars...

"I'm afraid we don't allow smoking in here sir. We consider it unhygenic."

"You should have mentioned in your resume that you could only do it once."

'It's a filthy and nasty habit, but at least, you won't end up with yellow teeth...'

Snowman