Smokers' Irony Gifts

'His lungs were fine. He died of hypothermia from all those fag-breaks outside.'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

"I'm afraid the umbrella constitutes an enclosed space and must be taken down."

"More ashtray, nurse! For God's sake, more ashtray!"

'Which dog is named 'BOGART'?'

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

"I only allow myself one after a meal - I'm now down to 43 meals a day!"

'Let's play some cards, boys. Oh, and by the way, the wife said if we figure out how to light these cigars we can smoke in the bowl.'

'Well actually, the only reason I put my head out of the window is that Master smokes while driving...'

"This is an expensive habit - I keep stubbing out my e-cigarettes."

"That's why you don't smoke near the dang cannon!"

'If you want to smoke, you'll have to go outside.'

Identity Parade - Smoker.

"He said if we don't let him in, he'll huff and he'll puff and he'll fill up our whole house with cigar smoke."

"We think he picked it up at the kennel."

''Stop smoking'? -- but my psychiatrist just told me to start!'

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

Fish "Hey Kid, got a light?"

Tim's hopes for his safer smoking device were to be dashed when it failed to fit through the door...

Prehistoric Cigarette Lighter

Cigarettes $7.50 - Ask About Our Easy Payment Plan.

'I used to be a pack animal. Lately, I've become a two pack animal.'

"You should have mentioned in your resume that you could only do it once."

Signs at the entrance of a cemetery pointing to the "Smoking" and "Non-smoking" sections.

'It's a filthy and nasty habit, but at least, you won't end up with yellow teeth...'

'The ones who smoke, masturbate... the ones who don't smoke, masturbate... is this a study on smoking or masturbation?'

If they ban smoking in cars...

Snowman

"See? Right there - it says bubblegum."

Animals smoking at the zoo back entrance

'The New World will be easy to conquer, Your Majesty -- they're all hooked on tobacco.'

"If smoking is so bad for you, how come it cures salmon?"

Smoking is Achilles' other weakness.

"I'm sorry that Ted ever taught him to smoke. It's costing us a fortune!"