Smoke-free Superhero Pillows

'We cured your cigarette addiction, but you now need treatment for nicotine patch addiction.'

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

North Pole

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

Politically Correct Snowperson

"Smokey The Tree"

'Swimming is the healthiest sport. . . Because it's the only one where you can't smoke while you're doing it.'

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

'Do you ever think about how we can reduce our global footprint?'

"The tuna is endangered, the lettuce was recalled and the tomatoes were hit by a drought. I can give you mayo on a roll."

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

"Plastic straws. No fish were spared in the making of this product."

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

Days without an incident.

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'I don't like being a crash dummy either but there are some jobs humans won't do.'

"Tomorrow, we'll take on the tobacco industry."

Insurance company agreeing workers' compensation policy in a demolition company.

'There's more to life than winning. There's also testing negative for steroids.'

"Me, I became an outdoor cat when her new boyfriend moved in: he smokes in the house..."

It wasn't easy, but we finally plugged the hole.

'Now I understand why people want to give them up.'

'Oi! '

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

Rudolph goes green (with his new compact fluorescent nose)

'Whose idea was it that every thanksgiving the women watch romantic comedies all day and we get stuck cleaning up?'

'If you want to smoke, you'll have to go outside.'

"I'd never have imagined such innovative ways of wearing this cape!"

Smoking Cessation Clinic - Formerly The Pub.

'I'm just so worried about mercury in the water and sulfur dioxide in the air.'

'Smoke free buildings' chase man with cigarette

'Hi John, it's your partner, Peter. I've decided to have a non-smokers day off - it should just make up for all the cigarette breaks you've taken in the last month!'

Office Smoking Conflict