Smartphone Humorist Pillows

A dog is embarrassed by his actions when recorded on his owner's mobile phone.

"I'm trying to get my screen time down to 1 day a day."

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

'R2-D2 is not in. Please leave a message after the beep-wheep-zip-booop ...'

"Would you relax? They never look up."

Dawing your Cellphone

"OMG, LOL!"

Screen Time vs Book Time

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

Fenton G. Gonklemeyer, Computer Scientist - Booted Up 1928 and Crashed 2009.

'What do you mean, I just flunked the Turing test?'

"Will follow you on social media for food."

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

GO AHEAD ... MAKE MY DAY!

Knight in armor is using his jousting pole as a selfie stick.

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

'Masonry robot, what are you doing?'

Backlash industries: makers of the macro-chip, bigger, slower..and it even makes mistakes

Chef copy robot

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

The Smartass Phone

'Trust me. Those shells have always been wireless.'

"Siri meets Alexa" "What can I help you with?" "I'm sorry, I can't answer that."

I downloaded Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" into it's memory, and now the "command" key isn't working.

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

'Honey, tell me honestly...does this operating system make me look big-endian?'

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't flirting with you – I was checking my phone."

'Now where's my Tibbles got to?'

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'