Small Town Reminiscer Gifts

'I come from a very small town.'

1989 Map Of Sorghum Corners, Ohio

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Welcome to Yellow Pages, Vermont

Tenafly International Film Festival

'That one was taken on our wedding day, when he was young, handsome and in love. That other one was taken when he was older, more mature and a pain in the neck.'

Welcome to a Sleepy Little Town - name available on request.

"Sure makes a change from New York!"

Nation of Has-Beens (and Never-Will-Bes)

Hadleyville Has-Beens

statue in park: 'Arnold P. Rossiter, a local boy who went to the big city and made it big... and now he's back home, flipping burgers, just like we always said he would.'

It was so quiet in town the residents took to taking chairs to the corner so they could watch the traffic lights change.

'You can close rural Post Offices on-line now.'

"Hello Billy, how is your mother?"

Welcome to Springdale...'We're number 10, 11, or maybe 12!'

"Nana, it's fine if those are your final words, but it's also OK if you want to take another stab at them."

Exit 66 Yaphank: If you have already been to Yaphank please disregard this exit.

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

road sign: "Gilkers Corners Population 926

'Don't let her charm you. When we were in the lunch room, I saw her eating veggies.'

"Do you ever miss New York?"

'What was I like 20 years ago? I was younger, thinner, better looking, sexier. . . and poorer.'

Entering Yoke.

"School is a lot like life. It's hours and hours of boredom...interrupted by the occasional moment of panic."

West Fester needs to get with it! Sorry, Twig. We like it dull. Tuba concert. We want quiet, steady citizens. Isn't that discrimination? Only against exciting folks. We welcome boring persons of all races, creeds and sexual orientations. Wow! A rainbow of monotony.

Smalltown, U.S.A.

"Welcome to Cornish Est. 1763. Nothing to see here, move along, folks."

Bank. I dreamed last night that I was back in high school, and I forgot my locker combination.

"Believe me, the street smarts you picked up in Elmwood, Kansas don't carry any weight around here."

"This is the close-knit town where a grisly murder reveals a dark secret...."

"It's a small town with a very small budget!"

'It's a common misconception.'

Welcome signs 'Mediocre, Illinois, home of absolutely nothing at all'

"And this is one of me in the 3:30 at Doncaster"