Small Town Survivor Gifts

Albert hated growing up in a small town. 'Ow!! My toe!'

What price beauty?

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Things I love about Powell River...

"The trees are laughing at us."

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'I am sorry Davis, your bonus is a bit different this year, its all down to cashflow; but you can take your pick.'

"The originator of the office birthday party."

'I'm sorry. The CEO can't come to the phone right now. He's entertaining some prospective clients over lunch.'

Dadonomics

"I couldn't find parking in the city, so I moved home, got back with my high-school girlfriend, had a baby, and got a great deal on a new car."

"Sure makes a change from New York!"

'Smog, pollen, acid-rain, holes in the ozone-layer, crime, road rage, terrorists - HERE I COME!'

Let's talk about the weather.

Why are you here?

'If we let this happen, soon we'll be swamped in chain stores.'

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

Appointment for Central London Executive - With Car and Parking Space

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause

"I just want to learn enough to be able to survive the train to work."

statue in park: 'Arnold P. Rossiter, a local boy who went to the big city and made it big... and now he's back home, flipping burgers, just like we always said he would.'

Hadleyville Has-Beens

'I simply don't understand the requirement to pay people more just to live in London!'

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

'You can close rural Post Offices on-line now.'

"Hello Billy, how is your mother?"

Welcome to Springdale...'We're number 10, 11, or maybe 12!'

"Look lady, I told you before; anything over one-hundred pounds you gotta take to the dump yourself."

COVID-19 in the Big Apple.

Exit 66 Yaphank: If you have already been to Yaphank please disregard this exit.

Chat host's irritation at 'Hello, how are you?' greeting.

'Goddamn traffic...I'm late for my meditation class.'

"Passengers, as we begin our descent you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."