Small-town Gossip Reader Gifts

'So how long have you known about Dad and Victoria, Kate? Aaarrgh!! Why am I always the last to know about anything around here.'

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Flake News

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

'Looks like housing starts are up.'

"I didn't even know Smallville had a set!"

Tenafly International Film Festival

The Life of a Sentient Rock

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

"They stay together for the money."

"Very few leave the grove!"

Tittle and tattle.

'Bloody Joneses! Just because we've put in a new fishpond...'

Have you noticed how chefs have replaced hairdressers in the social pages?

"I told you everyone was moving out of the city!"

"My Gary is such a thoughtful husband! First he walked the dog, then prepared the duck for lunch. It was a fantastic meal, wasn't it?"

The woman next door bought a coat exactly like mine!

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

'You should see what they're doing next door - it's disgusting,'

'Oh go ON - I love a bit of gossip.'

Smalltown, U.S.A.

"Parking isn't a problem here Sir, we're all tradionally skilled at car theft"

"This is the close-knit town where a grisly murder reveals a dark secret...."

'Lost your lawnmower, old man?'

Battersea

'I'd better go, Maggie - I don't want to get a parking ticket.'

'...and now the weather.'

'Gossip now updated every five minutes.'

"Oh, pul-lease! You know her light isn't 'natural'!"