Neighborhood Gossip Gifts

'Bloody Joneses! Just because we've put in a new fishpond...'

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

The Life of a Sentient Rock

'That reminds me, how is that husband of yours?'

'Lost your lawnmower, old man?'

'That's my neighbor. He's up all night watching tv or talking to his sister on the phone. He's such a busy body, I wish he'd mind his own business.'

The woman next door bought a coat exactly like mine!

'Looks like housing starts are up.'

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

One giant bark for dogkind.

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

The Consequences of an Interrupted Shower.

"Me, I love vacuuming: it makes the dog next door barking mad! Works every time..."

'Not faster than sound, Pete, think of the neighbors!'

"I walk into their yard every few days and knock over their trash. How do you know the Johnsons?"

Interrupted Shower.

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

'Hello, I've just moved in next door. Can I borrow some sugar please?'

'It's the fellow in 9B.'

Never use an electric can opener if you live next door to a cat lady.

"Yes, Frank's a slob, Mary...but I doubt that's why aliens haven't used your landing pad!"

'We bought thinking we'd enjoy being only a stone's throw from the playground.'

"You got another letter from the neighborhood association..."

'Everybody go home now - or I'll speak this party in nothing but my granny panties.'

"I've never known anyone as nosey as you."

'Is your sore throat stopping you from keeping up with the neighbourhood barking frenzy? Try Auto-bark! It will mimic your bark to keep up with the big dogs, long after you've stopped.'

'We're selling videos of the wild wild neighborhood party. . .'

'You should see what they're doing next door - it's disgusting,'

'That's it now, Mrs. Baines - see you in the New Year!'

'The neighbourhood Watch Scheme!' "Damn, his roses are doing much better than mine"

Enemies of Bill W. Pub

'She used to be gagging for it-now she just wants gagging!'

"Neighborhood watch"? We don't have a neighborhood watch.