Small-town Gossip Reader Prints

'So how long have you known about Dad and Victoria, Kate? Aaarrgh!! Why am I always the last to know about anything around here.'

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

Flake News

"I didn't even know Smallville had a set!"

'Looks like housing starts are up.'

Tenafly International Film Festival

The Life of a Sentient Rock

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

"They stay together for the money."

Tittle and tattle.

Rich Cow: 'Elton John'

"Very few leave the grove!"

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

'Bloody Joneses! Just because we've put in a new fishpond...'

Have you noticed how chefs have replaced hairdressers in the social pages?

"I told you everyone was moving out of the city!"

"My Gary is such a thoughtful husband! First he walked the dog, then prepared the duck for lunch. It was a fantastic meal, wasn't it?"

Rich Cow: 'George Clooney'

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

The woman next door bought a coat exactly like mine!

West Fester needs to get with it! Sorry, Twig. We like it dull. Tuba concert. We want quiet, steady citizens. Isn't that discrimination? Only against exciting folks. We welcome boring persons of all races, creeds and sexual orientations. Wow! A rainbow of monotony.

Rich Cow

'You should see what they're doing next door - it's disgusting,'

'Oh go ON - I love a bit of gossip.'

Smalltown, U.S.A.

Charlie Sheen

Fur Flies

"This is the close-knit town where a grisly murder reveals a dark secret...."

"Parking isn't a problem here Sir, we're all tradionally skilled at car theft"

"Oh, pul-lease! You know her light isn't 'natural'!"

'Lost your lawnmower, old man?'

'Gossip now updated every five minutes.'

'...and now the weather.'

"Your wife's sleeping with my cousin mike." Rat Poison