Slow-paced Living Fan Gifts

Snail Peephole

'Wow, these lights stay on the red cycle for a very long time.'

Local food for local consumption

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'The Rush Orders department is a shambles, Briggs, and I think you're just the man to turn it around,'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"Sorry, but your life moves so slowly that the ball keeps timing out."

Nobody warned Marge that a side effect of a hip replacement is feeling more hippy.

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

'They say pot makes you less motivated, but I've already been to Taco Bell eleven times today.'

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

Honey I'm Home

"I don't tell you how to gather."

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

'I want to be a philosopher Mum: Lots of thinking and no physical work...'

"Dude, I don't mind watching your holiday video, but can you fast-forward it please..."

"It's cut my heating bills right down."

'I've invented food, and I've invented shelter -- two out of three isn't so bad!'

"We missed out on the quality of life index again."

'Sorry, Bill's out of his office today, he should be back Monday.'

Turtles and snails boarding Noah's Ark.

"One day junior, all this will be yours..."

After review, the replay confirms a touchdown, and also that big, jiggly bellies look hilarious in slow motion.

"Come on! It's the final lap!"

'First past the post?'

"Wait, I think I got a signal!"

'Wow! She's fast. She even had time to do her shopping!'

Business is slow, thank goodness.

"I've always worked from home."

'It's addicting... I watch it eight hours a day.'

"When I was small, I used to be so busy. I was always running here and rushing there. Go, go, go. That was me. Now I just ride my bike or sit around watching mindless junk on TV. My life just keeps getting better and better all the time."

'...and that concludes this five-hour seminar on 'slow life'.'

Tortoise Football Fan