Slob Whisperer Gifts

"Bad dog! You're a bad dog!"

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

Homo Gamus

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

I used to love coming here. Nudist beach.

'Every time I turn my back, he's learned another one of your bad habits.'

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

Entomology Reference

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'Right here is where your imaging data is clogging up all of your bandwidth.'

'You failed your Latin exam! But Sweety, it's important to learn Latin: All your friends' names have Latin roots...'

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

State of the Union

"Hush, little baby, don’t you cry ... ever."

The definitive turning point in The Great Terrier-Squirrel War was the now-famous Trojan Acorn Maneuver.

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

Squirrel chopping wooden leg of lumberjack.

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

'You should see a doctor. Maybe you have that West Nile thing.'

'Termites!'

"This reminds me of that time I said it was too humid and buggy to go on this hike."

'He's not there at the moment so please leave a message.'

'If another barman cracks the joke about not serving spirits, I'm leaving ...'

Plug Me In Stupid

'He's so fast he has to stop to clean the insects off his glasses.'

"Well, he's a squirrel, so yes, he's a hoarder, but that does not help come Winter: he hoards books, not nuts!"

"I'm running a loose ship."