Slob Satire Gifts

'He's lost his mobile phone - it must be in his chair somewhere!'

Homo Gamus

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

State of the Union

Alexander Pope

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

"I'm running a loose ship."

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

"I don't wanna 'adult' today."

A man watching t.v. with his skull hinged open to reveal the same man watching the same t.v. . . .

No caption. (Rowers carry an oar in four briefcases).

"It's our latest objet d'art, of course we can't use it!"

House Hubby.

"I keep asking you for ideas, Hibblemeyer, and you keep drawing blanks."

'Must you eat without your shirt on? The crumbs falling into your navel are beginning to compost.'

'Precise, analytical and beautifully reasoned address. Now condense it down to a snappy sports metaphor.'

"He started off with a lazy eye and it spread to his whole body."

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

'My husband is a police detective. He does know how to toss a room.'

"I know, same here. Angsting about the Zeitgeist like there is no tomorrow."

Six Degrees of Depradation

'Call yourself domesticated!'

I was married to my job and suddenly there was a love triangle.

'It doesn't get any better than this.' 'That's what has me worried.'

Couch potato with tator tots.

"It's either a powercut or we're watching the microwave oven."

'Nice coat.' - 'Yes, it's real fur made to look fake.'

"Disgusting! I'm never going to get this guy properly trained! I think I'll just abandon him somewhere!"

'He used to drive an SUV!'

'Leonard has hidden qualities, and they're best LEFT hidden.'

"Meet my husband, Mr Couch Potato, and our son...Tater Tot."

"Bad dog! You're a bad dog!"

"The landlord says that there are no animals allowed in this apartment. You've got to move out."

'He's a case of unintelligent design.'