Slob Story Lover Gifts

'It doesn't get any better than this.' 'That's what has me worried.'

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

Homo Gamus

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I just never 'think I can' anymore."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

Fyodor Dostoevsky

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up

"Now here's a tale that'll make you hair stand on end"

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

Queen says: 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall ... 'It's all so subjective' is not an acceptable answer.'

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

'Pirate's Cove is about a half mile down the beach.'

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

'Tarzan's younger brother, Ed, was raised by sloths.'

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

Fairy tale

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

"'Best wishes'? That's it? That's all you got?!"

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

'I thought you were going for a walk in the woods. Your porridge has been cooling on the table for hours! '

"The Ugly Duckling didn't know why he was so attracted to swan culture."

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair extensions.'

The princess and the key

"Now, can you explain that with a parable?"

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

'Well if you wanted a garden shed made out of wood or brick, then you should have married one of my brothers!'

"She wants the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth."

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

"So you don't want to come along?"