Slug Whisperer Gifts

"I think the soup might be just a bit too salty."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Police Feline Unit

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

Cat woman shopping for cats.

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"No no, I said sit!!"

Licensed Therapist

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

Barks in code.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"It get it – you're hungry."

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

Canine Companion

'Bert's dog training.'

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting