Slick Talker Pillows

"I'm the most pathetic man on earth."

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Bryan Ferry

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'May I have the key to your heart?'

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

'Correct me if I'm wrong.' (Everyone holds their hand up).

'Thanks for the order, Mr Barnes and I want you to think of me as your friend.'

'Did anyone ever tell you that you look lovely under the glow of these energy saver lights?'

The Language of Love

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

Hal is such a nice guy, every dog in the neighborhood brings him slippers.

"Coco, stop eating your food properly and play with it like your brothers!"

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

'They're fine through the day, but when I leave work the little one goes 'wee wee wee' all the way home.'

"You look so beautiful. Twinkling in the moonlight."

"Are you talking to amoeba?"

'For the last time: no, you could not interest me in a cold fusion experiment!'

'And not only do we think you were lying when you told us Larry went on a winter vacation, we think you had something to do with it!'

Detox meets Botox.

'Expensive wine, long-stem roses, imported candies...wasn't our argument about MY spending habits?'

"You say the nicest things. . . and perfectly sober as well."

"You can try all you want, but being smooth is just something you're born with."

"Sure you remember me. I'm the guy who collapsed here last night... right in front of your... and had to be rushed to the hospital."

"I prefer to think of it as travel size."