Smooth Talker Enthusiast Pillows

"Yes, but am I the biggest dick you've ever met?"

Bryan Ferry

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

What should we do this fine Sunday? I have an idea. Let's spend the day staring at each other and using pet names. Ahem. You affection is making us ill! They're upset, Monkey Bear. You're so handsome. We're trying to eat!

'May I have the key to your heart?'

How to Do Small Talk??!!

I'll admit I haven't been waiting all my life to meet you, but I have waited through a rough pencil sketch, the inking process and Photoshop lettering. Surely that's worth something! !?!

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

Develop Your Social Skills: Asking Questions is a Great Way to Keep a Conversation Going.

"So, do you walk the talk? Replete the tweet? Sext the text?"

'Correct me if I'm wrong.' (Everyone holds their hand up).

'Thanks for the order, Mr Barnes and I want you to think of me as your friend.'

"But I haven't finished explaining about dollar-cost-averaging." "Sorry, I didn't register for this course."

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

'Did anyone ever tell you that you look lovely under the glow of these energy saver lights?'

The Language of Love

"Please try not to offer expert analysis."

'I couldn't afford flowers, but I got a really good deal on Kenny G.'

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

That's a shame. What's a shame? Did I do something wrong, officer? TSA. Yes, you did. You let your boyfriend turn you down. So what if he's 15,000 miles away in Russia? If I were your man, I'd never let that stop me. I would fly to the ends of the earth for you. This routing ever work for you? Good lord this routine must work for you.

You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that? Many times. How would you like to be the "after" image in my new ad touting the health benefits of our new nonfat kale macchiato. Let me guess: You'd also like an old picture of me where I was weak and puny, so you can claim that's the "before" picture. Don't worry, I've got that part covered. Something about you looked different today, Rudy. Would you like fries with that observation?

Santa's Workshop. Ernie runs that sanding machind here. He says that makes him a "smooth operator."

"I grew up in St Louis and went to school in New Jersey and have been in Brooklyn ever-since, but sure, I guess technically I'm 'from' the Black Lagoon."

Hi. How's it goin'? Good, you? 'Sup. Hey. Hello. The Primordial Schmooze.

"He's surprisingly good at small talk."

'For the last time: no, you could not interest me in a cold fusion experiment!'

"Idolistentopodcastsatdoublespeed. How'dyouknow?"

"Give it to me straight, Doc – my mother’s driving you nuts, right?"

Snail Pattern Balding.

"You look so beautiful. Twinkling in the moonlight."

"We suck at this."

J. Ludlow: Soldier, Statesman, Author, Windbag.

"Don't even bother – we missed the deadline to finish our March Madness brackets again."

"You can try all you want, but being smooth is just something you're born with."