Smooth Talker Appreciator Pillows

J. Ludlow: Soldier, Statesman, Author, Windbag.

Bryan Ferry

'May I have the key to your heart?'

I'll admit I haven't been waiting all my life to meet you, but I have waited through a rough pencil sketch, the inking process and Photoshop lettering. Surely that's worth something! !?!

'Thanks for the order, Mr Barnes and I want you to think of me as your friend.'

'Correct me if I'm wrong.' (Everyone holds their hand up).

"So, do you walk the talk? Replete the tweet? Sext the text?"

North Pole.

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

The Language of Love

That's a shame. What's a shame? Did I do something wrong, officer? TSA. Yes, you did. You let your boyfriend turn you down. So what if he's 15,000 miles away in Russia? If I were your man, I'd never let that stop me. I would fly to the ends of the earth for you. This routing ever work for you? Good lord this routine must work for you.

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

Elderly couple

You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that? Many times. How would you like to be the "after" image in my new ad touting the health benefits of our new nonfat kale macchiato. Let me guess: You'd also like an old picture of me where I was weak and puny, so you can claim that's the "before" picture. Don't worry, I've got that part covered. Something about you looked different today, Rudy. Would you like fries with that observation?

"Have you got it in beige?"

"Give it to me straight, Doc – my mother’s driving you nuts, right?"

'For the last time: no, you could not interest me in a cold fusion experiment!'

"Would you ask the chef to hurry? We're running out of conversation."

Detox meets Botox.

"Let's hope his sale pitches are better than his passes."

"I prefer to think of it as travel size."

"You can try all you want, but being smooth is just something you're born with."

Seductive lines that just don't cut it.

"Compliments of the gentleman who obviously has no issues with rejection."

Einstein's brain.

"Since when do you obey traffic signs, Billy?!"

"Sure you remember me. I'm the guy who collapsed here last night... right in front of your... and had to be rushed to the hospital."

Schmoozing 101

"Yes, but am I the biggest dick you've ever met?"

'What song is it you want to hear!'

"How much do you want to take out? How much do you weigh?"

"I don't think delivering food is for me. It's always cold by the time I get there."

'Your face isn't familiar, but your line is.'

You're a smooth talker, but you have no lips. Sadly, you have the gift of gab, but not the gift of gob. Bar.

"Ah – the good, the bad, and the god-awful."