Sleeping Comedian Gifts

'I'll call you back. I'm sleepwalking.'

Bed Seasons

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

Hypnotoon

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

The downside of the cupcake bed.

"These are smart socks. They will crawl themselves to the clothes hamper when you throw them on the floor. Make sure they're charged before wearing them."

"Read it again, Daddy!"

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

"I slept funny!"

"Goodnight cerebellum, goodnight hippocampus, goodnight little neurons that jump to synapses, goodnight medulla, prefrontal cortex, with the pills that I take it won't be complex."

"Perhaps you'd be able to sleep better if you pajamas weren't so loud."

Menage a Paws.

"Today is my second birthday and I wanted to let you know that I intend to take full advantage of my terrible twos!"

'It's your turn, dear.'

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

'...and another thing. You're very selfish.'

"What time should we wake him for breakfast?"

Brrr...for the last time! Keep your cold feet on your side of the bed!

'It's these sleeper terrorists, doctor. They're keeping me awake at night.'

For those difficult bedtimes Sheryl relied on the bedtime reel.

'Honey, you're talking in your sleep again!'

"My God! You were restless last night, Veronica!"

"Can we please sign off just one night without the national anthem?"

"They always know when it's time to make the bed."

Memory-foam pillows...

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up EVERY HOUR during the night."

'It happens every night - just as you're trying to get some sleep,he starts fluttering about'.

Toddler in the bed: a journey

Woman threatens husband with gun in bed. He says: 'You've gone too far with this stealing the duvet habit.'