Comedian At Bedtime Gifts

"Once upon a time, there was an accounts executive with a 25 year endowment mortgage and redundancy looming on the horizon.."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"No. You turn over."

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

"Roll over. Your Zs are looking like Ns."

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

"Read it again, Daddy!"

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

"Mind if I read a little?"

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

'Almost done.'

"I slept funny!"

"Perhaps you'd be able to sleep better if you pajamas weren't so loud."

Menage a Paws.

"Last night we watched three movies back to back. I was the one facing the telly."

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

'Well, if this book doesn't send you to sleep nothing will.'

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

'I've called maintenance about your bed, Mr. Grimes...Mr. Grimes?'

"Next time, Id' like the director's cut."

"I like 'Cinderella' - it's just that I feel the characters of the stepsisters are underwritten."

'...and another thing. You're very selfish.'

Selfish man stealing the duvet.

'Paradise awaits pauline Norris' man in bed with a mask on