Cozy Bedtime Comedian Gifts

"Surely it's warm enough to take another dog off, dear."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

Bed Seasons

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

"No. You turn over."

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

"Roll over. Your Zs are looking like Ns."

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

Bed Fellow

"Read it again, Daddy!"

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

"Mind if I read a little?"

'Gravity wins - again.'

"I slept funny!"

Menage a Paws.

"Perhaps you'd be able to sleep better if you pajamas weren't so loud."

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

'Almost done.'

You're supposed to read him a bedtime story at HIS bedtime.

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

'My member requires some interest.'

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

"Is there room for me?"

'Well, if this book doesn't send you to sleep nothing will.'

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

'I've called maintenance about your bed, Mr. Grimes...Mr. Grimes?'

"Have you got room for a hand-knitted pullover?"

"Next time, Id' like the director's cut."