Cozy Bedtime Comedian T-Shirts

"Surely it's warm enough to take another dog off, dear."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"No. You turn over."

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

"Roll over. Your Zs are looking like Ns."

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

Bed Fellow

"Read it again, Daddy!"

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

"Mind if I read a little?"

'Gravity wins - again.'

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

"I slept funny!"

'Almost done.'

Menage a Paws.

"Perhaps you'd be able to sleep better if you pajamas weren't so loud."

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

'My member requires some interest.'

"Is there room for me?"

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

'Well, if this book doesn't send you to sleep nothing will.'

"Have you got room for a hand-knitted pullover?"

'I've called maintenance about your bed, Mr. Grimes...Mr. Grimes?'

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

"I like 'Cinderella' - it's just that I feel the characters of the stepsisters are underwritten."

"Next time, Id' like the director's cut."