Cozy Comedian T-Shirts

"You know I don't like to cuddle."

"I guess I'll just sit here since I can't risk being seen wearing everybody's stuff. On a more positive note, I'm actually saving money."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'Your place or mine?'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

'She'll never look for me here.'

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

You know, the snowballs we get in the summer are better. They're flavored!

Infinity Tavern

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

'How much would you take off for cash?'

Snow is falling...

Trout Game

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

Rattlecornsnake

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

Banana

'Sharing the same skin-type is fine. But, as a basis for a stable marriage...'

We met online.

You mixed your DNA with that of a carrot? I've created a giant loud-mouthed left-leaning vegetable. Some would say that's redundant. Very funny. It's worse that that. The carrot doesn't share just my politics … You smell beautiful, like ranch dressing on a spring day. I do like a tall vegetable.

'I know you love her and want to protect her. But it's wrong to laminate her.'

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

'Why do I have the felling that your parents don't trust me?'

And do you, Sue, believe this is the best you can do? / It was a simple ceremony. Perhaps a little too simple.

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 5

Dating Rule #1. Repeat after me: I need some space. I need some space. Got it. Good. Make sure you tell that to Laurel all the time. But