Cozy Comedian T-Shirts

"You know I don't like to cuddle."

"I guess I'll just sit here since I can't risk being seen wearing everybody's stuff. On a more positive note, I'm actually saving money."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

'She'll never look for me here.'

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

You know, the snowballs we get in the summer are better. They're flavored!

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

'How much would you take off for cash?'

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

Snow is falling...

Trout Game

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

Rattlecornsnake

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

'Sharing the same skin-type is fine. But, as a basis for a stable marriage...'

Banana

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

'I know you love her and want to protect her. But it's wrong to laminate her.'

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

We met online.

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

'Why do I have the felling that your parents don't trust me?'

And do you, Sue, believe this is the best you can do? / It was a simple ceremony. Perhaps a little too simple.

Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 5

"So, tell me, how many guys have you slept with?"

'You were so right about twin beds spicing things up.'