Comedian At Bedtime Prints

"Once upon a time, there was an accounts executive with a 25 year endowment mortgage and redundancy looming on the horizon.."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

Bed Seasons

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

"No. You turn over."

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

"Roll over. Your Zs are looking like Ns."

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

"Read it again, Daddy!"

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

"Mind if I read a little?"

"I slept funny!"

"Last night we watched three movies back to back. I was the one facing the telly."

Menage a Paws.

"Perhaps you'd be able to sleep better if you pajamas weren't so loud."

'Almost done.'

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

You're supposed to read him a bedtime story at HIS bedtime.

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

'Well, if this book doesn't send you to sleep nothing will.'

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

'I've called maintenance about your bed, Mr. Grimes...Mr. Grimes?'

'...and another thing. You're very selfish.'

"Next time, Id' like the director's cut."

"I like 'Cinderella' - it's just that I feel the characters of the stepsisters are underwritten."

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

For those difficult bedtimes Sheryl relied on the bedtime reel.