Sleep Disorder Supporters Gifts

'It's the worst possible diagnosis a bear can receive -- sleep apnea.'

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

Baby zipping himself up then going to sleep

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

"No doctor, my husband is not sleep-walking again. He is sleep-jumping!"

'What he lacks in intelligence he makes up for in stupidity.'

'Doctor, I'm tired all the time.'

Grants & Recipients

"Good night. Sleep quietly."

Give Sleep a Chance

Even though I'm on the do-not-call-list telemarketers manage to ruin my hibernation again.

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

What are you doing up, mom? Big meeting tomorrow. Must be prepared. It's one a.m.! Go to bed, young lady. You need your sleep. It must be late. I heard my voice coming out of your mouth. Scary!

'When I said getting more sleep would help reduce stress I meant AT HOME!'

"You go right on snoring, doesn’t bother me one bit. Your snores are beautiful, do you know that? I love snoring…not like some people."

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."

I suppose you'd like to know why I summoned you here at 3am, minion. Not really. My studies show there's a 0.0067% uptick in coffee sales when you appear sleepier than the patrons. Come again? My theory is that's because seeing you falling asleep on your feet subconsciously makes customers feel like they need more caffeine ... From now on, you're only to sleep three non-consecutive hours per day. Very bad mazzzzz ...

Hibernation Clock.

'It's come to my attention that you haven't been sleeping on the job.'

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

A day without anxiety is like a day without sunshine...

'I finally got Benson to get to the job on time. My next chore is to keep him awake on the job.'

'I can't get out of bed. I don't know if it's the depression or my brand new hand-crafted mattress from Slumber Village.'

"We'd like you to invest in alternative energy. It's called sleep."

'It was bad enough that Cheryl fell asleep at the office.

The Slumber Party.

What a night. I slept like a baby. I thought you had insomnia. My doctor gave me Slumberesta, the new sleeping pill. That stuff really works? Puts your right down. Even for an unsuspecting old lady jacked up on caffeine. Huh? Zzz. I must be really boring.

'I'll take the room for Winter: Please put a 'Do Not Disturb Until Spring' sign on the door...'

"I'll get you a drink of water, but next time, call Dad, not room service."

'But I've had a tiring day myself, darling!'

"Oh no the central heating system is about to explode...it's your stomach again, isn't it?"

'Thank you for calling the Zepco mattresses hotline...'

'Quit chasing your dreams.'