Sleep Deprivation Champion Pillows

'How's your insomnia?' - 'Terrible, I can't even sleep when it's time to get up.'

Cry babies.

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"I'm so good at this!"

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

"No doctor, my husband is not sleep-walking again. He is sleep-jumping!"

'What he lacks in intelligence he makes up for in stupidity.'

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

Aging Sign # 23: you're dehydrated and yet up peeing all night.

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

What are you doing up, mom? Big meeting tomorrow. Must be prepared. It's one a.m.! Go to bed, young lady. You need your sleep. It must be late. I heard my voice coming out of your mouth. Scary!

I suppose you'd like to know why I summoned you here at 3am, minion. Not really. My studies show there's a 0.0067% uptick in coffee sales when you appear sleepier than the patrons. Come again? My theory is that's because seeing you falling asleep on your feet subconsciously makes customers feel like they need more caffeine ... From now on, you're only to sleep three non-consecutive hours per day. Very bad mazzzzz ...

"I'll get you a drink of water, but next time, call Dad, not room service."

"Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that you're having trouble getting out of bed in the morning; you know we do have counsellors in the building if you feel you need support with that."

Number of times your kids will wake in the night/Amount you have to do tomorrow

'Your 'power nap' is somewhat undermined by Mr Cuddles.'

Humpty Dumpty using Egg timer as an Alarm clock.

Toddler in the bed: a journey

"He doesn't sleep, what can we possibly do?"

'Sixty eight seconds. Pretty weak, Dad.'

"Wake up Mrs. Jones. You're sleep shopping again."

'Shouldn't you be out in line...'

Things my cat says at 3 am

Coffee. I'm exhausted. I started sleeping on my coin collection to keep it safe, and now I understand the saying "change is hard"!

"Sleeping through the night is for losers."

"Just go already!" "One could scarcely desire more delightful conditions for a nocturnal ramble..."

"I kept tossing and turning all winter!"

"There's a huge crowd of people on the lawn demanding that you stop snoring!"

'Sleep Disorder Research.'

You know I can't sleep when you grind your teeth like that.

"Listen, son...school is important and I expect...no I demand that you try your best. This family believes in the value of education, hard work, career success...and a good night's sleep."

'You really tossed and turned last night.'

Sleep walking can be hazardous!

"Go to sleep or someday important people will fail to notice you and you will die in tragic obscurity."

"Will you quit sleeping so goddamn peacefully!"