Skinny Jeans Satirist Gifts

Famished jeans: Because sometimes skinny jeans just cover too much.

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

Emergency Hipster Beard

'Have you any W fronts?'

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

The Inventor of the Man Bun!

Suburban street.

Phone Mittens

"Gap... Tony Soprano fit"

"I'm looking for a tie that retracts a statement."

"We're going to need more words for flip-flops."

Autumn Leaves

"Welcome aboard, Withers. Now just go see Personnel on seven, and Pants on twelve."

"I'm trying to stick to a Paleo diet. Do you think cavemen had wasabi sauce on their sushi?"

'Okay you can get dressed. That will help me determine the billing.'

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be no delays on the subway today."

Stay at home

Home for the Holidays

"Apparently, he's well over 100 now."

"You do realize you're violating the dress code..."

"It's actually an ink stain but my wife has grown quite fond of it."

"You want to be a WHAT?"

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

Everyone knew it was a hideous style, but nothing was ever said.

"I'll only remove what's necessary...your gall bladder and the man bun."

'The secret to great abs? Marker pen.'

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

"Oh God, beards are so passe."

Holy cow. Holycow. Holycow. What? You won't believe the American hero coming to the cafe. Lady Gaga? Kanye? Elon Musk? A venture capitalist. Do I look greedy enough in this shirt? I weep.

The latest fall fashion trends

"Wingtips - this is a white collar gang."

'That's what I call riding the barrel!'

The Three Stylish Klansmen