Skincare Jokester Pillows

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

"Hey. We're out of toilet paper."

'I Love the touch of your dry flakey skin!'

'Dwayne deeply regretted not placing his mother in a personal haircare home earlier.'

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Sebum! I think you'll love this property on the left side of the chin. It's a wonderful place to start a pimple."

'He's so hip he even used rock 'n roll-on deodorant.'

'The sun lounge book of melanomas.'

"Sometimes a tightness in the chest can be a sign of high blood pressure. In your husband's case, however, I just loosened his belt a little."

Builder's Crack T-shirt

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

Suits you Sir!

Store sells too short t-shirts.

'I bought a treadmill, so if he sleepwalks again I know where he is.'

"Your eyebrows are beautiful, darling. I know you hate drawing them on."

'Perhaps we should start off with an underwear transplant.'

'Oh great, we break down in the middle of nowhere and the only spare tyre we have is the one around your waist!'

"No, Fred didn't run a TV marathon - He watched a marathon on TV."

'And best of all, it kills germs that cause bad breath!'

"That movie was released in 2015. It might be time for a reboot."

"Remember, ladies, if you're doing this right, you shouldn't be able to do it."

"This zit is growing way out of control!"

Obvious Comb-Over: Please Give.

Lady Macbeth in the morning

'Good grief-it's Doris'

'Doctor, my bike's got saddle-pain!'

"I'm not really tan. I've had my head in the oven."

Two monks: 'Yes, I know we look like hoodies, Brother John, but I still don't want a hug!'