Skeptical Saints Gifts

Obama Renounces His Church

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

Punk Reindeer

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"It's creepy thinking that Santa can sneak into my house undetected. I must find out how he does it!"

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

"I'm going out on a limb here, and sincerely apologize to my constituents today for the misappropriations and bribes I will take if I'm elected governor."

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

"Nihilistic rage motivates me to cling desperately to this job."

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

"Can atheists refuse to participate?"

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'

About Santa 2017.

"Before I give you my answer I just gotta be sure you ain't one of them nasty olee-garks I've been hearing about."

Man to man re: crackpot's sign that says, 'Your Nutty Idea Here': Everybody's out to make a buck these days.

"Thank you for not praying."

"Nope! Not that one! They still believe that 'gods' created the universe!"

"Wow! My calculations show that on Christmas night, Santa Claus will visit 1 house every .83 seconds!"

'I see you reaching into your wallet for a twenty dollar bill.'

"I have a rich and generous son who wants to contribute to the heavenly fund."

"I don't believe the liberal weather media!"

'Does that include the fishing rod?'

"I guess I can’t prove I exist either."

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

"It's unrealistic for us to have a chimney, tree, or stockings, so you can forget about Santa."

'Just who the heck are you to decide who's naughty or nice? Quit trying to impose your ideas of morality on everyone else!!'

'He sees me when I'm sleeping, he knows when I'm awake...'