Skeptical Saint Gifts

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

Punk Reindeer

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Why do I hate religion? Imagine if half the money ever donated to religion had instead been used for scientific research. That's the world religion stole from me! Instead of worrying about the coronavirus, I could be slaying orcs on a starship's holodeck!"

"It's creepy thinking that Santa can sneak into my house undetected. I must find out how he does it!"

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

"If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we admit that the moon landing was a big conspiracy?"

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

"Can atheists refuse to participate?"

Cemetery with graves engraved 'traditional medicine' and 'alternative medicine'.

"Nihilistic rage motivates me to cling desperately to this job."

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

The conspiracy behind conspiracy theories.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

"The sky isn't really falling -- I'm just trying to make a living."

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

'If this isn't a placebo you gave me, how come it says 'M&M' on it?'

"Thank you for not praying."

I believe their products are rubbish.

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

"Before I give you my answer I just gotta be sure you ain't one of them nasty olee-garks I've been hearing about."