Skeptic's Paradox Ponderer Gifts

"What beats me is how you global warming sceptics always turn out to believe in local warming."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

Optimist

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

Schrödinger and his cat

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

Another Time Travel Pair o' Ducks.

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"Oh my God, help! Is there a logician on board?!"

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

"After the election everything will be perfect and I will be able to fly."

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

Two guns are pointing at each other in a peace sign.

"Why do I hate religion? Imagine if half the money ever donated to religion had instead been used for scientific research. That's the world religion stole from me! Instead of worrying about the coronavirus, I could be slaying orcs on a starship's holodeck!"

Desert island dweller sinks in sand.

'These bitcoins things are backed by technology and the internet! What could possibly go wrong?'

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

Inventing Time Travel

"Experimental 'no government' zone next 200 miles—by order of Trump!"

Schrodinger's Cat Litter Box