Skeptic Of Myths Gifts

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"God works in mysterious ways."

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

'Most cases like yours, Mr. Johnson, clear up completely with a healthy dose of skepticism!'

'If evolution is real how come after millions of years we're still unable to open a can of dog food?'

"No? Okay then, how about: my client does one year in Purgatory, no time burning in the infernal depths of Hell, and three of the lesser sins expunged."

"This is just a placebo cast, but it makes a lot of people feel better."

"I lied in my ad. I hate Wallace Stevens."

"What do the know!"

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

'I'm looking for the book that tells how to be less materialistic without actually giving up any stuff!'

Foreign Policy Mysteries Revealed!

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

"You are gullible and naive. You believe untrained charlatans. You squander your money."

Couple with a scratch card - 'Wow! We haven't won a free holiday...'

'I blame the internet.'

The Source of all water

"Why, this whole thing is nothing but a flimsy tissue of facts!"

'I absolutely concur with your opinion: that I am an over scripted, brain dead moron, who is wasting your time!'

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me I've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the Middle Ages is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt with her

Your daily horoscope.

Vaccination queues marked 'people' and 'Qanon'

Ahmadinejad in New York.

People who bought into this....Also bought into this.

"And I thought she didn't know I existed!"

Hey! Everybody makes mistakes.

'I'm six years old, Mom. I KNOW you're the tooth fairy.'