Skeptic Of The Absurd Gifts

"No? Okay then, how about: my client does one year in Purgatory, no time burning in the infernal depths of Hell, and three of the lesser sins expunged."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"My latest sighting turned out to be just another weather balloon."

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"Now you can send it."

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

Salvador Dali's cats.

"After the election everything will be perfect and I will be able to fly."

UFO and snowman

Operation.

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

Baseball.

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

"Apparently he only uses fugitive colours."

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

'A Federally-funded study released today proves conclusively that taxes are good for the economy....'

'Not bad idea! But no quit day job.'

Trapeze artists commuting

Closed Thursdays.

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver