Skeptic Of The Absurd Pillows

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"My latest sighting turned out to be just another weather balloon."

"Now you can send it."

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

Operation.

"After the election everything will be perfect and I will be able to fly."

Baseball.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

UFO and snowman

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

"Apparently he only uses fugitive colours."

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

Trapeze artists commuting

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

'A Federally-funded study released today proves conclusively that taxes are good for the economy....'

'Not bad idea! But no quit day job.'

Closed Thursdays.

Albert should have known that cactuses rarely have change. Besides, they prefer jazz.