Philosopher Of Absurdity Pillows

Two Men Having Showdown On Small Hill-Top

"Why didn't you wear a mask?"

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Barcode Dreams

Optimist

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Now you can send it."

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

Nonsense Poem

Presidential surveillance ass!"

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

UFO and snowman

The pop-culture critic's annual existential crisis."

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

Operation.

Baseball.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

"Is it OK if I turn the humidifier up a bit?"