Sipping Snob Pillows

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

Wine tasting

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

Tea Snob.

"House red, sir?"

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

"I had no idea Dom Perignon came with a screw top."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

Prosecco Drinker

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

"How much do you spend on a decent bottle of wine?"

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"I'm getting gnats, I'm getting cats, I'm getting dogs..."

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

"No, no, it's certainly not a Gerwurztrameiner; that's too far north."

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

"Waiter, this wine is corked!"

"I highly recommend our featured red. With its markup, what waiter wouldn't?"