Drinks Snob Pillows

"A knowledgeable choice...A sophisticated blend of fine liqueurs..." "Girly drink."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Wine tasting

'I would kill for a truffle.'

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"House red, sir?"

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

Tea Snob.

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

"I had no idea Dom Perignon came with a screw top."

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

Prosecco Drinker

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'Tap water?! As if.'

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

"How much do you spend on a decent bottle of wine?"

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"I'm getting gnats, I'm getting cats, I'm getting dogs..."

"Waiter, this wine is corked!"

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

'This is the 1927 Georges de Latour you bought us for our anniversary, son. Mom spruced it up nicely with orange soda and melon balls.'