Drinks Snob Pillows

"A knowledgeable choice...A sophisticated blend of fine liqueurs..." "Girly drink."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Wine tasting

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'I would kill for a truffle.'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"House red, sir?"

Tea Snob.

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

Prosecco Drinker

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'Tap water?! As if.'

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

"How much do you spend on a decent bottle of wine?"

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"I'm getting gnats, I'm getting cats, I'm getting dogs..."

"Waiter, this wine is corked!"

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

"Foreign wines have ruined me for domestics. I still shop local, but I gripe global."