Singles Party Pillows

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

'Those girls must be in a cone of silence. I talked to them and they acted like they couldn't hear me.'

"I would take you up on your offer to have a glass of wine, but I've heard that it shouldn't be consumed with a depressant."

"If at first you don't succeed, buy me another drink."

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

Speed Dating Disasters

"Do you know what girls want?"

"I think you two may hit it off. Craig, here, is an attractive male academic in his early forties who seeks a warm, vivacious woman delighting in conversation, arts, and nature for an evolving romantic commitment, possibly marriage, while you, Vivian, are a good-looking, intelligent, stimulating woman in her late thirties who seeks an educated, unattached, well-bred man concerned with ideas, culture, and the environment with whom to share your life interests and companionship."

Eric knew where all the real slappers hang out.

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

"hmm....I'd like to tick her box."

"Okay, I'm intrigued."

"I fancy tall men."

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."

Singles Night: 'No, no, it's not you, the problem's with me - it's just that I'm cursed with good taste.'

Dog Stripper.

Peg Party.

'Hey baby - where you been all my lives?'

'Forget it, they're gay.'

Woman seeks male companion...

Closing Laugh Singles Bar

He sounds like a hunk, his profile says bulky and athletic

Man marooned on island sets up bar for 'singles night'.

'Yes, I believe in love at first sight. Apparently you believe love is blind.'

"Dibs on the tall one!"

5-hour relationship drug.

First Date: 'Using a ten year old photo on your dating profile is one thing, using a ten year old photo of a male model is quite another!'

'Did you spend the night or did I?'

'Maybe you shouldn't have said, 'The wine's on me.''