Singles Night Pillows

First Date: 'Using a ten year old photo on your dating profile is one thing, using a ten year old photo of a male model is quite another!'

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

'I've always lived my life on the cutting edge of inoffensiveness!'

'After the computer matched us, the company issued a software patch to repair its program.'

"I think you two may hit it off. Craig, here, is an attractive male academic in his early forties who seeks a warm, vivacious woman delighting in conversation, arts, and nature for an evolving romantic commitment, possibly marriage, while you, Vivian, are a good-looking, intelligent, stimulating woman in her late thirties who seeks an educated, unattached, well-bred man concerned with ideas, culture, and the environment with whom to share your life interests and companionship."

Man marooned on island sets up bar for 'singles night'.

Eric knew where all the real slappers hang out.

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

Singles Night - Cafe Shag

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"Do you know what girls want?"

He sounds like a hunk, his profile says bulky and athletic

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

Bingo night.

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

Table for two. Whom does sir think he's kidding? You're right table for one. Menu.

"You and I haven't had an in-house date in a long, long, long time!"

"Oh yes, I'm still on the juice diet...this one just happens to be fermented."

Speed Dating Disasters

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

"If at first you don't succeed, buy me another drink."

'You only love me because you haven't got a boyfriend!'

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'

Brenda second-guesses her decision to date a wi-fi hotspot.

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

'I was talking to that George Clooney yesterday. He is SUCH a name-dropper.'

Girls night!