Singles Day Pillows

Table for two. Whom does sir think he's kidding? You're right table for one. Menu.

Brenda second-guesses her decision to date a wi-fi hotspot.

"When I ask myself out, I always say yesh...."

Emily had tried blind dating and speed dating so thought she'd have a go at carbon dating.

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

Drinking Companions

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

"Do you know what girls want?"

Speed Dating Disasters

"If at first you don't succeed, buy me another drink."

'You only love me because you haven't got a boyfriend!'

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

Eric knew where all the real slappers hang out.

"I think you two may hit it off. Craig, here, is an attractive male academic in his early forties who seeks a warm, vivacious woman delighting in conversation, arts, and nature for an evolving romantic commitment, possibly marriage, while you, Vivian, are a good-looking, intelligent, stimulating woman in her late thirties who seeks an educated, unattached, well-bred man concerned with ideas, culture, and the environment with whom to share your life interests and companionship."

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

He's Tasty!

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

"hmm....I'd like to tick her box."

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."

Boyfriend Shirt, Boyfriend Jeans. . . Boyfriend.

'Online dating is rubbish. I've written to 20 women and not ONE has replied.' 'At least you're being spurned in the comfort of your own home.'

Peg Party.

"So, when are you gonna find a woman?"

'Those girls must be in a cone of silence. I talked to them and they acted like they couldn't hear me.'

'Hey baby - where you been all my lives?'

Closing Laugh Singles Bar