Silverware Pillows

"How can I tell him we're only EPNS?"

Lonely fork looking for friends.

"Out bending spoons at Pop's diner."

"Got any bathtub gin?"

'Yes, it's just a little volume.'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

He started with the q-tips, then moved on to the hard stuff.

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

Antique silver

'Ignore him, he's just angry because you're eating out of his bowl.'

"He's just p****d off, because these days, I'm more popular than he is."

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

Cool bulls.

Antiques roadshow: 'Yes it's definitely Silver'

"Wine is good for you in moderation, so I named my goblet 'Moderation.'"

'Not THAT glass, you idiot.'

Teapot

"Profiling!"

"Waiter, I need a soup knife please."

An attempt at kitchen cabinet stand-up comedy. Dinner is on me tonight!

'I like to get here right when Dave opens up, and get a clean glass.'

'Erik hosts excellent dinner parties.'

'Honest, dear. I'm only having one glass.'

"I only told him I needed bedding."

'It's always a little dicey using tectonic plates.'

'They're nice, but do you really expect me to drink my imported Merlot from domestic Merlot glasses?'

Bully in the China Shop

"I thought we'd decided on the gold leaf pattern."

"Oh My God - surely the finest varietal themed stemware I've ever tasted from."

'I had a cough at the time.'

A law firm's offices.

Place Settings for the Elderly

A glass of red wine

'Sorry about the vessels; I can't seem to decide if I want to be a wine guy, or a beer guy.'