Silly Situation Enthusiast Pillows

The hearse was a write-off. But at least no one was killed. Again.

"His dentures keep slipping."

"Little help?"

'This will be great for chase scenes.'

Bad Interview Technique

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."

Time management office worker

"Can't we just go after sailfish...?"

"Ah guys, before you push any buttons can I just check my calculator?"

'He thinks we're watering down the cement.'

"So, have you two been doing anything reproductive?"

'I hope I'm not intruding...'

'It's for you.'

"Look, I know Estella has a boyfriend. I would never try to break them up. But it's not illegal to text friends...and we're still friends..."

'You're not what we hand in mind when we advertised for a new organist.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News

Adoption centre nurse accepting a bribe from a pack of wolves

'Check this out Henry, the stripper has arrived.'

Cake Shop: Parking Meter

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"

That's a silly question. What does it LOOK like I'm doing?'

Eskimo fishing.

"Hey you! C'mere and hold up this guy's pants while I go through his pockets."

'Better than looking at four walls is here.'

'Geesh! Didn't your mom ever tell you to put on clean underwear in case you get in an accident?!'

'Anyone can arrange a blind date, only truly great ones can arrange a whole relationship.'

'...Every time he goes on the track we have to notify air traffic control.'

Blind dog.

"The interview was going great until she noticed on my c.v. that I was her ex husband."

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

'Whose idea was it to open an uphill skiing course?'

'It's a guest tooth brush!!! You're not the only guest we've ever had, Dale!'

"It's bad enough when someone give you a card who you didn't... but worse when it's a musical card!"

"Gesundheit."

"Hell, I'm from the dating agency. Can I move in with you."