Significant Other Who Loves Pets Pillows

"They do very well in a talk show format."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

A large leaf falling on a dog

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

Canine Scentipede

"This never happened."

Collies Without Borders

'They're dog roses!'

"Your love gives me strength."

"Humans are strange."

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

Snooze buttons for cat owners

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

'Marm doesn't understand, 'I've got it, I've got it'.'

Pet Entertainers

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

'A bed just isn't the same without a person in it.'

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

Sonata for Piano and Dog

But it's the other leg that hurts.

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

Lost my squeaky toy. Please help.

When Dogs Rule

"Congratulations. It's a litter."

"He ran out of pee."

Dog Sees Only Food

"I'm OK. But I think the dog wants to go out."

'Dog Show' 'Worst breath winner'

'They used to call me 'Fluffy', but it's been 'Lucky' ever since I survived the spin cycle.'

'I've finally learned to delegate.'

'He took a fetching class.'

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

"You're spoiling that dog again!"