Side Effect Saint Pillows

Now I understand why fatigue and muscle cramps are listed as possible side effects.

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

"The lost password department's that way."

"Hmmm...says here that you were in charge of your church's Puppet Ministry."

"He's very proud of his stomach's 'good bacteria'."

'Ferguson always was an overachiever.'

'I'm real sorry. It was all the 'blonde' jokes you told.'

"The tiny one treats the symptoms. The big one treats the side effects."

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

"I'm afraid we don't accept bribes here, sir."

The Pope tweets

Proposed solution to repugnant and obsolete St. Patrick's Day parade: add more saints.

St Ninian, patron saint of hypochondriacs

"You'll soon get used to it, being deceased is fun."

"You have a mask?"

'Pig flu??!'

Monk

'Oh yes. It's mentioned here, under side-effects.'

'We NEVER let bygones be bygones!'

How To Saint . . .

Saint Peter using a security screening.

"Let's get to know him. He's being fast tracked to sainthood."

'I'd buy her a drink, but I don't think I can do that up here.'

'What do you mean, your church didn't give you a password?'

We don't have a 'reasonable doubt' rule up here!

"Open your mouth so I can take a DNA sample."

Saint Christopher

The Ascension of the Rose of Lima

"When I found out I couldn't take it with me, I left it all to charity."